i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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