All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
