How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
