6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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