we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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