Define "chronic" masturbator.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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