so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Four minutes until I can fart!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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