I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
