you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
