She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
