Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize