Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
