My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
