OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
