If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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