...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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