Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
