I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We need to rekindle our bromance
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
