Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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