Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
