I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Come on in and take your pants off
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