im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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