Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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