Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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