Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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