Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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