I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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