I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
