Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
