Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
