Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I need a beard to bite.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
