I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
