Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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