I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
