It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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