Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
