Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
