Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
