Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
