If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
