I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
