Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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