Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
