where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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