Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
