i permit you to call me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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