Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
