Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
