Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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