I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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