then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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