Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
