This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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