Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
