im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
