I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
