he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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