I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just want nice things and good sex
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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