Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
